What If You’re Not ‘Too Much’—You’re Exactly Right?
I was once told by a manager that I wouldn’t be taken seriously because I smile and laugh too much. The message was clear: dial it down, be less, fit the mold. And for a while, I tried. I toned down my natural enthusiasm, measured my reactions, and carefully curated the way I showed up.
And you know what? It felt awful.
Because that version of me wasn’t real. It was a watered-down, edited version of the person I had worked so hard to become. And the more I silenced myself, the more I realized that trying to be less of me wasn’t making me a better leader—it was making me an unhappy one.
The Myth of “Too Much”
If you’ve ever been called too much—too opinionated, too emotional, too ambitious—you’re not alone. So many of us have been made to believe that our natural way of moving through the world is something to apologize for. But what if the very thing you’ve been told to shrink is actually your greatest asset?
Think about it: What would happen if you stopped believing that your natural instincts were wrong? What if, instead of working against yourself, you leaned into who you are?
For me, that meant embracing my warmth, my humor, my ability to connect with people through joy. And what I found was that the right people did take me seriously—not because I changed who I was, but because I showed up fully as myself.
Strength Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
We have this idea that to be successful, we have to conform to a certain image. Leaders should be stoic. Professionals should be polished. Women should be agreeable but not too assertive. It’s exhausting, and worse—it’s a lie.
Some of the most impactful leaders I’ve ever met didn’t fit the traditional mold. They were passionate, expressive, quirky, and unapologetically themselves. And they weren’t successful despite those qualities; they were successful because of them.
When you embrace who you are, you attract the opportunities, relationships, and environments that allow you to thrive. When you hide, you end up in places that don’t fit you, working overtime to make yourself smaller just to survive.
Owning Your “Too Much”
So what do you do if you’ve been told you’re too much? Here’s where I started:
Ask yourself who benefits from you shrinking. If someone tells you to be less, is it because your presence challenges them? Does your confidence unsettle their insecurities? Recognizing this can be freeing.
Reframe what makes you “too much” as a strength. Instead of seeing your boldness, energy, or passion as a liability, see it as your unique advantage. The qualities that make you stand out are the same ones that will propel you forward.
Find environments that celebrate you. Not every space will appreciate your full self—and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be liked by everyone; it’s to be valued where you belong.
Stop apologizing. You don’t need permission to take up space. You don’t need to justify why you are the way you are. You’re allowed to exist, fully and unapologetically, exactly as you are.
You’re Not ‘Too Much’—You’re Exactly Right
Looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t let that manager’s words define me. Because the truth is, I am someone who smiles and laughs a lot. And I’m also someone who builds strong teams, leads with clarity, and gets results. Those things aren’t in opposition. They coexist.
So, if you’ve ever wondered whether you need to be less to succeed, let me tell you—your success isn’t in shrinking. It’s in standing tall in exactly who you are.
You’re not too much.
You’re exactly right.