The Curse (and Blessing) of High Expectations: How to Set Realistic Goals

I’ve always believed in aiming high. The bigger the dream, the better. But I’ve also learned that high expectations can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword. On one hand, they push us forward. On the other, they can turn into impossible standards that leave us feeling like we’re constantly falling short. And when imposter syndrome creeps in, we might even set unrealistic goals—not because we believe in them, but because we feel the need to prove ourselves.

If you’ve ever set an ambitious goal and then felt overwhelmed, stuck, or even paralyzed by it, you’re not alone. The good news? There’s a way to balance big dreams with incremental progress. It’s about breaking things down into manageable, meaningful steps—so that instead of chasing perfection, we’re building momentum.

Why We Set Unrealistic Goals

There’s nothing wrong with setting big goals. But when they come from a place of fear—fear of being “found out,” fear of not being good enough, or fear of failure—they can work against us. Imposter syndrome thrives on impossible expectations. It convinces us that we need to overcompensate, that we need to prove our worth by achieving things faster, bigger, and better than anyone else.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need to prove anything. What matters is making progress in a way that aligns with your values, strengths, and long-term vision. The challenge is figuring out how to do that without letting self-doubt run the show.

Balancing Big Dreams with Realistic Steps

One of my favorite ways to approach goal setting is through the Be. Do. Have. framework. Instead of jumping straight into action, this method helps you focus on who you need to become to reach your goals, what actions will get you there, and what results will naturally follow.

1. Be: Who Do You Need to Become?

Rather than fixating on the outcome, start with identity. Ask yourself: Who do I need to be to achieve this goal? If your goal is to launch your own business, maybe you need to become more confident in decision-making or more comfortable with risk. If you’re aiming for a promotion, maybe you need to become someone who leads with clarity and communicates effectively.

By shifting the focus to identity, you create a foundation for sustainable change. It’s not about proving yourself—it’s about growing into the person who naturally achieves the results you’re after.

2. Do: What Actions Will Get You There?

Once you know who you’re becoming, the next step is identifying the actions that align with that identity. If confidence is the goal, maybe that means speaking up in meetings, networking with new people, or practicing self-affirmation. If leadership is the goal, it could mean taking on new responsibilities, mentoring others, or improving delegation skills.

Here’s where breaking things down into small, achievable steps matters most. Instead of “I need to be a successful entrepreneur,” focus on “I need to create a solid business plan this month.” Instead of “I need to be a great leader,” start with “I’ll ask for feedback on my leadership style this week.”

3. Have: What Will the End Result Look Like?

When you focus on the Be and Do parts first, the Have often takes care of itself. Rather than chasing a goal out of fear, you’re moving toward it with intention. You’re building habits, strengthening your mindset, and taking practical steps toward success—without the pressure of proving anything to anyone.

Final Thoughts: Progress Over Perfection

High expectations aren’t a bad thing. They push us to grow, innovate, and stretch beyond what we thought was possible. But when they become a burden—when they trigger self-doubt and unrealistic demands—it’s time to reframe them.

You don’t have to achieve everything at once. You don’t have to prove yourself. What you do need is a system that turns your ambitions into meaningful, manageable steps. And that’s exactly what the Be. Do. Have. method helps with.

So, take a breath. Set big goals, but also set yourself up for success. Because when you focus on becoming the person who naturally achieves what you want, progress will always be within reach.